BRAINSTORMING MYTHS

Why Brainstorming Sucks (And How to Fix It)
By Mark Henricks | April 15, 2011

http://www.bnet.com/blog/business-myths/why-brainstorming-sucks-and-how-to-fix-it/947?promo=713&tag=nl.e713

The typical business brainstorming session consists of a bunch of people thrown together in a room and exhorted to “Think outside the box!” and “Rule nothing out!” Why this remains standard procedure is a mystery, since few brainstorming exercises of this sort yield much of value, and the problems with the conventional approach are well known.

If you want to do brainstorming right, discard the widely believed myths and go with the proven approaches. For instance:

Myth: The more ideas, the better. A superior approach is to think: “The more better ideas, the better.” When brainstorming is too open to any and all ideas, and every idea is at least initially treated as equal, too many proposals are completely useless because they lie outside the organization’s capabilities or limits. McKinsey & Co. describes a process called “brainsteering” in which some pre-set parameters — ideas have to cost less than $5,000, say, or generate quick payback — help idea-generators come up with feasible proposals, rather than concepts that are so far outside the box that they’re useless.

Myth: A group of people working together can come up with better ideas than one person. Numerous studies support the opposite contention. A 2010 article in The Journal of Creative Behavior reports a typical finding: “Groups of individuals generating ideas in isolation (nominal groups) generated more ideas and more original ideas and were more likely to select original ideas during the group decision phase than interactive group brainstormers.” One way to do nominal group brainstorming is to have participants come up with ideas on their own before the group session. Alternately, give each person in the session a piece of paper on which to write down ideas, without input from others, before subjecting them to discussion.

Myth: The best ideas naturally float to the top when discussion and evaluation is open, free-ranging, and unrestricted. Wide-open brainstorming sessions have many problems, beginning with the fact that talkative, dominating people tend to drown out quieter ones, whether or not the wallflowers’ ideas are better. Get around this with round-robin brainstorming. This approach poses a question to the group, after which each member has a chance to bring up his or her suggestions without comment or interruption from the others. A scribe is assigned to write down each person’s thoughts. Only after everyone has been heard from is the floor thrown open to talk generally about each idea.

In some respects, a business is like a machine that takes ideas dumped into the top and turns them into money that comes out the bottom. To the extent that’s valid, how well your business does is a function of how good your ideas are. Discarding myths about brainstorming and doing this venerable creative process right will go far to improve the raw material you’re using to create profit.

Mark Henricks has reported on business, technology and other topics for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Entrepreneur, and other leading publications long enough to lay somewhat legitimate claim to being The Article Authority. Follow him on Twitter @bizmyths.

Image courtesy of Flickr user Reckless Dream Photography, CC2.0

MY THOUGHTS

It's always a good idea to listen to people. However, I agree that a disccussion that is too free-wheeling may probably not produce valuable results. I've learned that no-holds barred brainstorming is useful only as an exercise in workshops where you try to develop the communication skills of participants. In reality, companies do not have time to spare for brainstorming dicussions that have no boundaries. If you have the right people in your brainstorming team, then a well-guided (and led) brainstorming session may be well worth the time, energy and money. Be sure to have these people on board:

• people who know how to listen and speak when it's necessary and proper to do so

• people who will not shot down ideas simply because it's not their own

• people who value time and will not waste it by coming up with hare-brained ideas that are too way off

• people who respect other people and are flexible enough to change their own opinion for a better one

HOW TO BREAK THE ICE

How to Break the Ice
By Daniel Menaker
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Hello, how are you, my name is...then what? From Daniel Menaker— editor, writer, conversationalist extraordinaire—a few words on how to talk the talk.

I think it was a famous city planner who said that if you build a statue or a sculpture or some similar object and put it on the sidewalk, you will often find several people looking at it and talking to each other about it, even if they don't know each other. The object is a perfect conversation starter. So I have developed a theory—the theory of the third—which says that neither person should start a conversation by talking about himself or the other person directly. Instead, you have to find a third subject, a third person, or an object to begin the conversation around.

I had a perfect example the other night. I was doing a crossword puzzle while waiting in line for a movie, and this guy next to me, whom I didn't know, said, "Well, you're four days late," because it was the Sunday crossword and this was a Thursday. And of course, even though he was commenting on something I was doing, it wasn't a question about me. It wasn't invasive—"What do you do?" "Who are you?" "What's your name?" It was something in between that we could converse about. At the same time, this guy was a little impudent—he was looking over my shoulder—and I liked that, too, but the fact is, he wasn't commenting on what I was wearing or really on anything about me. And because he just talked about the puzzle, it led to a conversation.

The theory of the third explains why the weather is such a common resort. Unfortunately, it's so common as to be clichéd, but at least it's an attempt at neutrality—like commenting on the interesting color of the wall you're standing next to. And that's the best way to start a conversation, with an attempt at neutrality. This sounds like lame advice, but it's not. What you're saying is "I'm not going to invade your privacy, and you're not going to invade mine. We'll test each other out by talking about something that seems inconsequential and see if we want to deepen this a bit."

Now, in terms of ending a conversation, I had an aunt who was a Quaker, and she and my uncle used to have people over for dinner, and sometimes when the guests got up to leave, they would trail on and on and on and just keep talking—until my aunt, who was a terrifically nice, cherubic person, would finally say, "Thee may go, or thee may stay, but don't ooze."

And by the way, the guy from the movie line? We're going to have lunch.

This story is part of O's Live Your Best Year Toolkit

MY THOUGHTS

small talk! it's hard enough to do with acquaintances. it's so much easier to do with stRangers. i like this "theory of the third". but there's still an issue of 'chemistry'. you can babble all you can about every imaginable topic. if there's no chemistry, you won't get beyond that first encounter.

KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP

When to Speak Up...and When to Shut Up
By Dr. Peter D. Kramer
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the December 2002 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Of all the advice that has drifted from psychotherapists' offices into couples' daily lives, the most overworked—and, I suspect, the most destructive—is the injunction to communicate. Be open, be honest, speak your mind, demand to be heard...well, yes, sometimes, maybe—if simple misunderstandings are at the root of your frustrations.

But how often, really, does one partner have no notion what's on the other's mind? When I evaluate a couple, it's not at all unusual for them to cite "communication" as a problem: "He'll say anything—he has no notion how he undermines me."

Rarely is the impasse caused by lack of information. Think how hard it is to keep a secret in an intimate relationship. But it is common for thoughtless speech to stir up discord. There may even be instances where silence is, as advertised, golden.

I am thinking of a story a husband told me in praise of his wife. He had come home on a Friday griping about his job. The managers were ratcheting up the pressure, and now an immediate supervisor was hinting that a promised promotion might not come through. His wife looked annoyed, but instead of speaking her mind, she puttered and listened and offered vague encouragement. On Saturday, she said, "About that supervisor—" And the husband interrupted: "I know. I'm going to have to confront him or go over his head."

"She could have laid it out for me the night before," the man told me. "She may have been thinking that I'm timid and insecure. Other women have said as much. But she was patient. She let me vent, let me spend a night mulling it over."

I asked him what his wife's silence meant. He said, "She has faith in me. She knows I'll do the right thing."

I like this story because it indicates where communication lies.

Communication is not just putting ideas into words. It's getting ideas across, preferably in a way that allows them to be used. Timing is crucial.

But what of spontaneity? Many people believe intimacy means being able to say what you think: "I'm through repressing my feelings. What good is a relationship if I can't express myself?"

I see the point in this objection. Women have been forced for too long to control their responses. We may admire Jane Austen's shrewd heroines, but we wouldn't want to live in a world that demands such extremes of social calculation. No one should have to weigh every syllable.

All the same, self-expression often benefits from forethought. That's why writers revise. Sometimes I think therapists have done great harm by overemphasizing immediacy in communication, as if the ideal marriage were like psychoanalysis from the patient's position, where you say whatever comes to mind without censorship.


MY THOUGHTS

of course! if we know when to speak, we should also know when to zip it. i hate it when i 'put my foot in my mouth". a minute, 5 minutes, maybe an hour of silence can save us a lot of misery. you should be tuned in to how your partner is feeling and know when it is best not to say anything -yet. the article did not say cut your tongue. it's suggesting we hold it until it's time to speak.

IS BEING TOO CLOSE TO YOUR SPOUSE GOOD OR BAD?

Being too close to your spouse isn't good at all!
Press Trust Of India
Posted on Jan 22, 2011 at 05:45pm IST

London: Do you feel that your spouse doesn't understand you? It may be because you are too close to each other, scientists say.

Psychologists at the University of Chicago and Williams College in Massachusetts found that when two people know each other too well they assume they share too much knowledge and their language becomes dangerously ambiguous.

This "closeness communication bias" can lead to long term misunderstandings, rows and even relationship problems, they said.

The researchers found that often couples and good friends communicate with each other no better than they do with strangers. Sometimes they are clearer with strangers because they assume no common knowledge.

This is a dangerous phenomenon which could cause marital discords, warned Prof Boaz Keysar, the co-author of the study.

"People commonly believe that they communicate better with close friends than with strangers," Prof Keysar was quoted as saying by The Telegraph.

"That closeness can lead people to overestimate how well they communicate. Your language can become so ambiguous. The brain becomes lazy," he said.

"But it can backfire and the misunderstanding can lead to rows in the future."

To prove their theory, Prof Keysar and his team recruited 24 married couples. The spouses sat in chairs with their backs to each other and tried to discern the meaning of each other's ambiguous phrases.

The researchers used common phrases to see if the spouses were better at understanding phrases from their partners than from people they did not know.

It was also found that spouses consistently overestimated their ability to communicate, and did so more with their partners than with strangers.

Prof Kenneth Savitsky said: "A wife who says to her husband, 'it's getting hot in here,' as a hint for her husband to turn up the air conditioning a notch, may be surprised when he interprets her statement as a coy, amorous advance instead.

"Some couples may indeed be on the same wavelength, but maybe not as much as they think. You get rushed and preoccupied, and you stop taking the perspective of the other person, precisely because the two of you are so close."

A similar experiment with 60 Williams College students showed that the phenomenon also applies to close friends.

"Our problem in communicating with friends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding," said co-author Prof Nicholas Epley.

That's why, Prof Savitsky added, it's always important to bear in mind the point of view of others no matter how close to them you are.

The study is published in the journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

MY THOUGHTS

so, have you put a finger to your relationship woes? could be true, right? we get so comfortable with someone, we assume we will be understood despite our ambiguity. or we think we know the other person so much that we understand perfectly what is being said. or not being said. well, at least you're talking to each other. you're in deep trouble if your dinner time feels like someone died.

Improving Your Negotiating Skills

Negotiating to Win – 10 Tips for Improving Your Negotiating Skills
Oct. 26 2010 - 2:15 pm | 659 views | 1 recommendation | 2 comments
Posted by Lisa Quast

In today’s business world, being a good negotiator can make a big difference in your career. Not only can it help you in your career, such as earning more money (by negotiating a raise), earning a higher title (by negotiating a promotion), or obtaining budget money (to take on a prominent project), but it can also help you in your personal life…such as agreeing on bedtimes with the kids or what show to watch on the television with your husband. How good of a negotiator are you??

No matter what the topic for discussion, successfully negotiating to achieve your goals requires thought and practice. I’ve seen women go from being terrified of negotiating to loving it. How? They changed their approach and started thinking about negotiating as 1) a simple process to follow; 2) a thoughtful interaction with other people; and 3) a way to determine even better solutions.

Try my following ten tips and see if they help you improve your negotiating skills:

1. Do your homework: Research the topic and think through your options before you hold the discussion.

2. See the situation from all angles: Try to understand where the other person is coming from; try asking them to tell you about their needs and key concerns.

3. Clearly define your goals: Prior to the discussion, make sure you’re clear on not only what you want, but your “walk-away” point (the minimum outcome you’re willing to accept).

4. Determine the best timing for the discussion: You’ll want enough time for the discussion and to hold it when all parties are relaxed and not emotional.

5. Remain calm and avoid getting emotional: The more emotional you become, the more clouded your thinking will become.

6. Listen, listen, and listen some more: Spend more time listening than talking.

7. Ask for what you want: Don’t be afraid to explain your needs and what you’d like to see occur as an outcome, but do so calmly and in a non-confrontational tone of voice.

8. Avoid finger-pointing: Focus on the issues, not on personalities.

9. Find a creative solution: Think win/win, not that someone must walk away a winner and the other a loser. There’s nothing wrong with working together to determine creative ways that the needs of both parties can be met.

10. Remember that there will always be a tomorrow: If the discussions head in a wrong direction and tempers flare, it’s okay to recommend picking up the discussion on another day once everyone has an opportunity to take a step back, relax, and think.

Let me know how these tips worked for you, or, if you have other tips women can use to improve their skills at negotiating then please share them in the “Comments” section.

~ Lisa Quast

MY THOUGHTS

in negotiations, the best strategy is habit 5 of the 7 habits. "seek first to understand, then to be understood". in other words, shut up first. listen with all your senses. and your heart. listening first helps you to understand what you're up against. in most cases, people appreciates being listened to. which means that the other party will be more open to you since you gave him/her the floor first.

developing communication skills in listening

How To Build Friendships With Good Listening Skills
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com
Updated: February 11, 2008
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you're strengtheing a relationship, resolving a conflict, or offering support in a facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Learn how to be a truly supportive listener, and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same. Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:

Difficulty: Average

Time Required: Varies, Depending On The Situation

Here's How:

1. Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your friend what’s wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you’re interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.

2. Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they’re saying so they know you’re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying, “It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you’re feeling hurt.”

3. Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what they’re feeling. Asking about their feelings provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of their situation.

4. Keep The Focus On Them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

5. Help Brainstorm. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they’ve gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons of each, they’re likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better after just being able to talk and feeling heard.

Tips:

1. Stay Present. Sometimes people feign listening, but they’re really just waiting for their friend to stop talking so they can say whatever they’ve been mentally rehearsing while they’ve been pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesn’t feel good. Also, they tend to miss what’s being said because they’re not focused.

2. Don’t Give Advice. It’s common to want to immediately give advice and ‘fix’ your friend’s problem. Unless it's specifically requested, don’t. While you’re trying to help, what would work for you might not work for your friend; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask directly for advice, your friend probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.

3. Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing your friend talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually offering a supportive ear and sitting with your friend in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

4. Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your friend’s problems, it might be difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your friend will likely be a better listener for you. If you’re consistently doing all the giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationships.

MY THOUGHTS

Listening is indeed crucial to developing communication skills - not only at work but in our personal lives. Developing communication skills is not merely about speaking. It is, firstly, about listening. Habit # 5 in the habits of effectivess says, understand first. This means listening first. People who are continually developing their communication skills become better and better as listeners.